Welcome to my sanity

My alternative reality

365,973 notes

catsandallthatjazz: the-girl-that-died: shesmorethanyouknow: tricksterjaneycrocker: stugahtsz: juncko: madmeinabluebox: forever-pretty-awkward: Ways to kill your enemies I know way too much about killing people because of this website I STILL DON’T UNDERSTAND HOW THESE INVISIBLE BALLS ARE SUPPOSED TO KILL YOU???? 250K NOTES DOES ANYBODY ACTUALLY KNOW by swallowing the water without the knowledge of the balls’ presence, you’re basically destined to choke on them bubble tea of death Bubble tea of death Also the marbles absorb water, so once they get inside you, they’ll start expanding even more and basically take all the fluid out of your body and you’ll very slowly dehydrate to death. Basically Bubble Tea of Death

catsandallthatjazz:

the-girl-that-died:

shesmorethanyouknow:

tricksterjaneycrocker:

stugahtsz:

juncko:

madmeinabluebox:

forever-pretty-awkward:

Ways to kill your enemies

I know way too much about killing people because of this website

I STILL DON’T UNDERSTAND HOW THESE INVISIBLE BALLS ARE SUPPOSED TO KILL YOU???? 250K NOTES DOES ANYBODY ACTUALLY KNOW

by swallowing the water without the knowledge of the balls’ presence, you’re basically destined to choke on them

bubble tea of death

Bubble tea of death

Also the marbles absorb water, so once they get inside you, they’ll start expanding even more and basically take all the fluid out of your body and you’ll very slowly dehydrate to death.

Basically Bubble Tea of Death

(via toots-toots)

106,091 notes

demoncolbert:

i think one day leonardo dicaprio should be the host that reads the nominees for best actor and when he opens the envelope to see who won it turns out his name is printed neatly in the center and he chokes up a little and his eyes water and his cohost takes the card and exclaims LEONARDO DICAPRIO!! and the audience cheers and leo cries and his supporting actors and actresses come up and hug him

i dont care if this goes against oscar tradition i just want leo to be happy

(via skewed-beliefs)

40,201 notes

heartcramp:

Look, if you nicely tell me that swearing makes you uncomfortable and you politely ask me not to, I will stop immediately and speak nicer than a nun.

But if you start acting like you’re on some fucking high horse, or telling me that I’m going to Hell for talking the way that I do and you can’t “be around that kind of language” then you can bet your motherfuckin’ ass that I’ll be fucking cussing like a cunt-fuckin’ sailor you maggot-ridden piece of dick.

(via skewed-beliefs)

68,073 notes

(I’m running errands for my pregnant wife. While walking to a nearby store, I see two teenagers harassing a child that is only four or five years old. I shoo them away from the boy, and he introduces himself.)
Me:
“So, where’s your mom at?”
Boy:
“She’s in the store. Do you have kids?”
Me:
“Not yet. We’re expecting a baby girl soon, though.”
Boy:
“Well, she’s going to turn out nice, like you! So, I’m going to marry her someday!”
(I laugh, and play along while I bring him to the service desk, and wait until his mom picks him up. Six years later, my daughter comes home from school and introduces us to a friend that defended her against a bully on the playground. I didn’t recognize him, but he certainly knew who I was!)